Today I Realised I Don’t Exist.
Well at least that is how it feels. Have you had one of those days, one where it starts of fine but then half way through the day wham you get kicked in the guts so hard you just want to curl up in bed go to sleep and never wake up again.
I don’t have these days very often but there have been a few in my Life and today is one of them And I can tell you right now it damn sucks and I can hardly see through the tears to type.
I know many of you will be saying just get over it stopped being negative and you may in your opinion be right but you are not the one who is feeling like your insides have been ripped out torn up spat on and shoved back inside you the wrong way up. So your opinion is not much help to anyone who is feeling like they are having a day where they realise they don’t exist, so come back when you have something that will help.
Why am I having a bad day? I had a fall out a fight with someone very close to me. Someone who is my whole world. Someone I have sacrificed so much of my life to help and try to be there when ever that someone needed me. Yes we had words and during those words, in a blink of an eye it became very clear that someone no longer believed in me and saw me as a total failure.
I had been suspecting this is how that someone who is my world had been feeling like this and I truly had been trying not to let it affect me but today I just couldn’t take it anymore. I am just so tired and have given so much to so many over the years only to be put back on the shelf to gather dust until the next time they need me to support them and it really does hurt. Sometimes you just need the people who use you to realise that you have feelings and the cost of the sacrifice you make for them is great.
very few of realise the burden we have innocently placed on others and we can become blind and selfish to this burden and in doing so cause that one person who would sacrifice their life for you feel the sharp pain of rejection, failure and total uselessness. So please take away the positive from this post today and be sure you remember that the strong person you innocently lean on day-to-day and share your heavy load with needs someone to believe in them as well.
From a Mother to her children pain affects everyone.